Kristina: If you go in with low expectations, it can only go up from there.

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Kristina: I don’t know. It’s hard out there for a pimp.

Me: Yeah, and then maybe I’ll trick some dude into marrying and providing for me. Then I just won’t move anymore.

Kristina: Hearing you say these things make me so proud. I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I feel like I’ve had a good influence on you.

Kristina: Did you know, when pigeons eat rice, they explode? That’s why you shouldn’t throw rice at weddings.

Me: (shocked silence)

Kristina: It’s true.